Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Why I Suck as a Friend

OK, so here's an "After" picture, even though it's not a great picture. But that's not the subject of the post.

So, why am I a bad friend? Because I don't like to confront people, not even my husband. If I am hurt, angry, resentful or upset, I just let it fester. I don't let the person know how I really feel. That ball of negative energy grows and becomes infected, so the result is I end up avoiding the person/people in question, evading all contact, creating excuses, simply pretending that nothing is really wrong when in truth, everything is wrong.

Sometimes with a friend there is an elephant in the room that no one wants to acknowledge. We step around the bloated carcass, try not to look at it, but when it starts to stink, we have to say something, right? No, I just choose to leave the room and ignore the obvious. I have lost so many friendships because I am not honest. I avoid pain, and in the process I become lonely. My loneliness breeds isolation, and my isolation creates anti-social tendencies. When I get to that point, forget it--I will simply lock myself in my cocoon and ruminate.

I'm at that point now, where my lack of courage to confront issues with family and friends has created that huge, bloated dead elephant in the room. What did I do? I left the damn room and slipped out the back door instead of simply saying, "hey, guys, let's drag that horrid dead thing out of the room and go get a pizza!!"

Loneliness, resentment and anger are crappy companions. But they're all mine, until I find the courage and the spiritual insight to guide me along a better path.


Frosty said...

The great news here is that you know exactly what you're doing, you've taken responsibility for your part in lost friendships, now you have the power to make a different choice and in the process, make your friendships even stronger.

I talk about my bff Adam a lot, right? We have issues come up ALL the time and we ALWAYS pull one another aside and work it out immediately. It's why we're still friends after ten years, despite the millions of times we've accidentally hurt one another's feelings. It's totally worth it, Kitty. You can do it. You'll be glad you did.


Kitty said...

Yeah, I think that as concerns the particular person that is hurting me so much, the challenge might be to let her go. So much mutual damage has occured that I don't see how we're going to recover, and the times I have confronted her in the past have not resulted in healing, but in angry defensiveness. I'm really sad about it, but I think what I'm going through is mourning. That friendship is over. As concerns everyone else, I am trying to be more open . . . but it's really hard. I don't like it when people get pissed off at me for telling my truth. It's just the price we have to pay for honesty, I suppose!